ShellShock
by Amberssister
Summary: Owen freezes when Ianto gets hurt. J/I pairing, so it's slash. Rated for language. Bad, bad langauge.


**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING. ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO BBC, AND RTD.**

The blood seeped out onto the pavement in a way that was wholly and completely un-dramatic. There was no pouring rain to wash it away, no snow on the ground for it to contrast with. There was just blood and concrete, the pool of the first almost eclipsing the second. Owen rushed over, his heart in his throat, and threw himself on the ground, bruising his knees badly. He didn't notice the pain, just the blood that was coming too fast, that had to be from a nicked artery. He took his shirt off and used it as a compress, holding it tightly against the ravaged chest. He cursed himself for not bringing his bag out of the SUV, but this wasn't supposed to happen. They'd set out to capture a couple of weevils, something they'd done a hundred times with minimal incident, and this was not supposed to happen.

"I need some fucking help over here!" he yelled. "Ianto's down, he's fucking bleeding out and I need some goddamned help!"

It felt like only a second went by, and then Jack was there, his face pale and stricken. "What do I do? Owen, tell me what to do."

Owen surveyed the damage and his thoughts froze. There was too much blood to be coming from the wound on the chest, and it seemed to be coming Ianto's leg. The leg, femoral artery, if that had been damaged Ianto would bleed out in a matter of minutes. But, his chest was whistling, obviously a sucking chest wound, a collapsed lung. Either could kill him, both needed his immediate attention. Maybe the femoral artery, definitely a pneumothorax. He looked at his hands and saw Ianto's blood leaching thru his fingers. "I… I don't…" Owen stuttered, shaking his head. He felt like his brain was skipping, random thoughts started filling his head, and he couldn't force himself into doctor mode.

It was ironic, really. He was a trained professional, a lifesaver, he knew what to do, but he couldn't think. He couldn't think because this was the first time he was sure one of teammates would die, despite his best efforts. This was Ianto's blood that covered him, and he needed Owen, more than he'd ever needed a human being in his life, and Owen couldn't think. He would lose his friend because he was a friend. It was so ironic he almost laughed.

"Owen!" Jack yelled, alarm lacing his voice. "Tell me what to do. Don't panic; think. What am I supposed to do here?"

Owen ran his hand across his forehead, streaking his face with Ianto's blood.

"Jack, it's… I can't."

Jack grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard.

"Owen, I need you. Ianto needs you. Do something, do anything, because if he dies, I will kill you."

It wasn't Jacks words so much as the fear in his voice that brought Owen back. His mind cleared and he was able to make some sort of decision.

" He has a sucking chest wound, and he's probably nicked his femoral artery. I need you to get my bag from the SUV and bring it as quickly as you can."

Jack took off and was back again in under ten seconds. Owen grabbed the bag from him, and placed Jack's hand on the compress.

"Hold this, keep the pressure on. Don't worry about hurting him." Jack slid in beside Owen, and held the shirt against Ianto's chest with one hand, calling 999 with the other.

Owen ripped the bag open and tore thru the contents frenziedly. He pulled out a rubber tourniquet, and tied it around Ianto's leg as tightly as he could get it. When the bleeding had slowed to a trickle, he started emptying the bag, looking for anything he could use as a seal, but he had nothing. This was a contingency he'd never planned for. He cast his eyes around the ground, looking for a crisps bag, a piece of tin foil, anything useful. He spotted a discarded cigarette pack, and ripped the cellophane off with his teeth, when his hands proved to slippery. Jack gave him a confused and almost threatening look, but Owen didn't stop to explain. In his experience, cigarette cellophane worked well for these things, if you had nothing else. It was airtight and light, allowing breath to be expelled when Ianto breathed out, but keeping air from rushing in the wound when he breathed in. Owen poured alcohol over it in a vain attempt at sterilization, and handed it to Jack. He grabbed tape and gauze, and moved back to Ianto's side.

"Alright, remove the compress, and hand me the cellophane when I ask for it."

Jack did as he was told, and Owen worked quickly, wiping the blood from around the wound, taping the cellophane on three sides, and wrapping Ianto's chest in a loose layer of gauze. When he was finished he rolled Ianto onto his side, and Jack cradled Ianto's head in his lap.

"Will he be okay?" Jack asked, and Owen nodded but he couldn't hide the lie in his eyes. All that blood… There was a good chance he'd had lost too much, that he'd bled out while Owen was trying to decide what to do. Jack didn't miss the look on his face, and his chest hitched as he tried to hold back emotion.

"Thank you." Jack said, tears slipping down his cheeks. "Thank you for trying. You did what you could."

Owen's heart broke at the sound of pain in the Captains voice, and he realized he wasn't ready to give up on Ianto yet.

"It isn't over, Jack. Medics will be here soon, and they can get him to a proper hospital, give him proper treatment. Don't let him go, Jack. Make him fight. Talk to him."

Jack nodded dumbly, and trailed his hand thru Ianto's hair.

"Don't die." He said, "Don't you dare. I need you. I need you to help_ me _fight; you give me a reason to fight. Don't leave me, Ianto, I just got back. I need you."

Jack was whispering, his voice earnest and intimate.

Owen remembered Ianto telling him that very thing, that Jack needed him, and he remembered how harsh his response had been. _"In your dreams, Ianto, in your sad, wet little dreams where you're his part time shag." _Owen had never apologized for that, too much had happened afterwards and he'd pretty much forgotten it. Ianto had apologized for shooting him, even though an apology for that wasn't really welcome or warranted. Owen had never said he was sorry, not for any of it, not to Ianto at least, and that suddenly became the most important thing in the world. He found himself praying to a God he hadn't believed in since he was six years old that Ianto would live, and promising that the first thing he'd do is apologize his ass off. Oddly, Owen felt more comforted by this cheap and meaningless deal he'd just brokered than by the patch he'd applied to Ianto's chest. It was as if he'd now done everything it was in his power to do.

He sat on the ground beside Jack and checked Ianto's vitals. His pulse was thready, his breathing shallow and irregular, his skin cold. Shock. Ianto was suffering from a chest wound, extreme blood loss, and now shock. _Of course_. Owen closed his eyes and cursed silently to himself.

"Where the bloody fuck is the ambulance?" He said out loud, and Jack must have heard the edge of despair his voice carried, because his jaw tightened and Owen saw any hope leave his eyes. Before he could even think of something comforting to say, the ambulance pulled up with the howl of sirens, and the blinding flash of lights. In the space of a few minutes, the medics had Ianto on a board, an I.V attached to his arm, and they were going to work on his leg. They left the chest seal alone.

"You the one that patched him up?" someone said in Owen's ear, and he turned to see a tall blonde medic towering over him. Owen bobbed his head slightly, and the medic took it as an affirmative.

"Good job, that. Probably saved his life."

"I'm a doctor." Owen said, without giving it the air of a title for once. Tall and blonde nodded. "What happened to him? Looks like he got mauled by a bear."

"A dog," Owen answered as smoothly as he could. "It was a big, mean dog." Tall and blonde nodded again, and raised an eyebrow.

"A dog, huh? How did a dog puncture his chest like that? It would take something with long, strong claws to do _that_, I'd reckon. What kind of dog was it, again?"

"I don't know. I didn't get a good look at it, but it looked like a dog to me."

Tall and blonde looked about to say something else, but the driver beckoned him over to the van, calling for them to go. The medic ran over and climbed into the back, joining the other medic and Owen glimpsed Jack holding Ianto's hand tightly as the doors were closed and the van sped away.

Owen watched it until it was out of sight, and then gathered the medical supplies that were scattered on the concrete. He walked numbly to the SUV and climbed into the driver's side. It was then he realized that Jack had the keys, and that he hadn't asked the medic what hospital they were going to. He thought about calling Jack and finding out, but he pushed the idea aside. Even if Jack answered, which was unlikely, now wasn't the time to bother him. He climbed out of the truck, and started walking back to the Hub, the night air cold on his bare chest. Though he was shivering, and his skin was crawling with goose bumps, Owen didn't notice.

xxxx

Owen stumble-stepped through the Hub doors, and Gwen gasped when she saw the state of him. He was shirtless and covered in so much blood his jeans made a sick wet sound when he walked.

"My God, what happened to you? Where are the others?"

Owen stared at her, his mouth working, trying ineffectually to come up with any words to describe it.

"Owen? Are you hurt? _Where_ are you hurt?" This came from Tosh, and she sounded upset, almost panicky. That was so unlike the usually calm, quiet girl, that Owen found himself able to speak, if only to comfort her.

"I'm fine, Tosh. It's Ianto's blood, not mine."

"What?" Gwen said, "_all_ of it?"

"Maybe. Don't know how much he has left."

"I meant that's all Ianto's, none of it's yours or Jack's?"

"Oh. Yeah, he was the only one hurt. Weevil slapped him; one of its claws punctured his chest, mauled his leg pretty bad. Lucky shot. He bled _a lot_. I froze. I couldn't…"

He looked down at his jeans, and made a retching sound.

"There was so much blood," he said, "and it was _Ianto_, he was definitely dieing, and I froze. I killed him."

Tosh grabbed him and forced him to meet her eyes.

"Is Ianto dead? Are you saying that Ianto is dead?"

Owen nodded at her. "No," he said, "But he will be. He bled far too much, and I just sat there. I watched him go down, and I ran to him, and I took my shirt off and tried to stem the flow, and I looked at him and I couldn't remember him smiling, I knew he must have smiled at some point, but I couldn't image it. And I couldn't remember what color his eyes are, or if his name is really 'Ianto', or if that's short for 'Ifan'. That was all I could think of, and Jack was screaming at me, and Ianto was bleeding and I just sat. I waited too long before I helped him. Tea-boy's gonna die, and Jack is going to _kill_ me."

His voice was coming out fast and emotionless, and a detached clinical part of his brain told him he was shell-shocked. Tosh wrapped her arms around him, despite the blood that covered him, and he fell limply against her.

"I'm sure he'll be alright." She said, "I'm sure you did you're best."

Owen felt hot tears slipping down his cheeks and he watched as they mingled with Ianto's blood and dripped onto Tosh's shoulder, staining her white blouse a pale pink.

"What hospital was he taken to?" Gwen asked, the sympathy in her voice making Owen cringe.

"I don't know." He responded. "I didn't think to ask."

"Jack is with him, right? I'll call him." She said, tapping her earpiece.

"Jack? Jack, it's Gwen. Owen's at the Hub, he told us what happened. Are you there Jack? Please if you can hear me, tell us what's going on." There was silence on the line, and then Jack's voice came on, sounding tired and worn.

"Gwen, I'm sorry I haven't… How's Owen? I have the keys to the SUV, I should have made sure he had them."

Owen flinched at the concern in Jack's voice, and Tosh took his hand and squeezed it. "He's fine, Jack," Gwen said, "I think he's a little bit in shock, but he's okay. Jack how's Ianto?"

Jack was silent again, and Owen felt his heart sink. "Okay," Jack said, finally, "he's okay. It was touch and go for a while, and he's still in surgery, but they think he'll be okay. Owen saved his life."

Tosh squeezed his hand again, and gave him a small smile, but Owen just shook his head.

They didn't understand, not even Jack. Owen had forgotten everything, he hadn't been able to decide whether to treat the leg or the chest first, he couldn't decide which was more life threatening, and so he'd done nothing. If Ianto lived thru this, it was because Jack had the forethought to call for help. It had nothing to do with him. Gwen asked Jack where Ianto had been taken, and wrote the information on the back of her hand. She promised they'd be there in half an hour, and tapped her earpiece again to turn it off.

"Owen, sweetheart," she said, "do you have clothes here?"

Owen nodded, and Gwen gave him an encouraging smile.

"Good. Now you need to shower and change, okay? You need to wash all that blood off." "It's Ianto's." He whispered, and Tosh looked down at the spots of pink, and the darker streaks of red, that stained her own clothes.

"We know," she said, "please, go wash up. We have to get to the hospital. You'll feel better when you're clean." Owen shuddered and walked towards the showers without another word.

xxxx

Owen turned the shower on cold, and stood under it until the water ran clear. The freezing temperature, and the sight of the clean water circling the drain, brought him a little ways out of his daze. This was ridiculous; this was _shit_. He was a doctor, not a teenage girl. He'd seen more in his life, especially since coming to Torchwood, than most people could stomach. He couldn't figure out what the hell had happened to him. He'd never frozen like that, not once in his life. Not when Gwen had been shot on their camping trip, not when Tosh or Suzie had been injured, not the many times Ianto had been injured before. What _the fuck_ was wrong with him tonight? Could it really be his original thought, that he'd frozen because Ianto was gravely injured and at deaths door? If that was the case, then he had no business working here. Not if he couldn't take watching his teammates die. Not if he couldn't help them. He turned the water off, toweled himself dry, and threw on the spare clothes he kept here, in case of things like this. Whatever the reason, he'd let Ianto down, he'd let Jack down, and that wasn't going away. Ianto could have died. He might still die. Owen closed his eyes, and he saw his own hands, unmoving, and drenched with Ianto's blood. He saw the growing pool, black and shining, and he could actually _smell_ the strong coppery stench that always meant pain, and usually meant death. Owen rested his hands against the wall, and started hitting it with his fists as he screamed, and screamed and screamed.

xxxx

They arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later. Gwen had driven Owen's car, and he hadn't protested about lending it to a woman. He was in no shape to drive himself, and he knew it. As they walked into the waiting room, the smells and sights of a hospital hit Owen hard, making him remember better times. Jack met them at the door, looking haggard, but calm.

"He hasn't woken up yet," he said as they approached him, "but they just took him into recovery, and they said his vitals were strong. They had to repair the artery in his leg, and his lung was damaged, but…" Jack trailed off and gave Owen a weak smile. "If you hadn't been there, he would have died on that sidewalk. Owen-"

"It's my job, Jack." Owen cut him off, "There's no need to give praise. I'm gonna go find the restroom."

He walked off quickly, before anybody could stop him. He just needed to be alone, and he was sure that if something happened, someone would come find him. He roamed the hallways until he found a quiet nook, where he could sit and think. Owen knew that the space was usually reserved for doctors to tell families that their loved one had died, and that seemed somehow fitting. He sat down on the cold, hard hospital chair, and tried not to think about what could have happened. He tried not to think about the fact that he'd panicked, and about what that meant. He found himself staring at his hands, mesmerized by them as if they were the most interesting things in the world, and he didn't know how long he sat like that, before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He started violently, his fight or flight instinct already kicking in, before he saw that it was Tosh.

"You've been gone almost an hour," she said, "I thought I'd see if you were all right." Owen thought about lying to her, but he didn't have the strength.

"You weren't there," he replied, "you don't know how bad it was. Shit, Tosh, if I'd been one second later we'd be storing his body about now. What the hell kind of doctor does that make me?"

"A human one," Tosh said, taking his hand, "and, in the end you saved his life. Owen, he would have died without you, but he didn't."

"He still might."

Owen eyed the bloodstains on her blouse and shuddered.

"The doctors are confident that he won't" Tosh said, "they say his chest wound was small enough that it'll probably resolve on it's own. He even woke up for a little while, but Jack made the doctors give him something more for pain, and it knocked him back out. You didn't kill him, Owen. Now, lets go join the others. I'm sure Ianto will want to see us when he wakes up again."

She gave him an encouraging smile, and pulled at his hand, but he still almost refused her. He was sure, in his heart, that the moment he walked into Ianto's room he'd be greeted with the news that he had died, because that's what he deserved to hear. But, he couldn't put it off forever, and he couldn't explain it to Tosh in any way that made sense, so, he allowed her to lead him down anyway.

xxXXxx

It was hours before Ianto opened his eyes, and Owen hadn't moved since he'd walked in and found him still breathing. Jack and Tosh had sat with him most of the night, but Tosh had needed food around the fifth hour, and Jack had escorted her to the cafeteria. Gwen had agreed to go back to the hub and keep an eye on things, and she'd been gone for hours. So, when Ianto woke up, Owen was the only person holding vigil. He'd been dozing off and on, and when Ianto said his name, he jumped and let out a yelp.

"Owen?" Ianto said again, "Are you alright? Should I call for a doctor?"

Owen snorted back laughter, and touched Ianto's hand.

"Don't be a git." He said, "You startled me. How do you feel?"

Ianto gave a sort of half-shrug, and smiled a bit. "Alright, I guess. They give out the good drugs here. Makes everything sort of seem unimportant. Really, I should come more often. When I woke up the first time, Jack was here. He told me what happened."

Owen lowered his eyes, and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Ianto," he said, his voice trembling. "I'm so sorry. So sorry." Ianto furrowed his brow, and gave him a weird look. "For what, Owen? For saving my life? Because that's rather harsh."

"No," Owen said, "of course not. For everything. For all the stuff I've said to you. For freezing up out there. Did Jack tell you that? I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything, and you almost died. I almost let you die. I don't know why, but I didn't do it on purpose. I'm sorry." Ianto took his hand and made shushing sounds.

"Jack told me you did the best you could, that you took care of me, and that if you hadn't been there I would have died before the ambulance came. I believe him. If Jack hadn't decided to bring you at the last minute, I'd be dead now. I don't care if you panicked. You saved my life. Have you been here all night?"

"Yeah," Owen said, "had to make sure you weren't gonna die on us. I'm your friend, Ianto. Am I your friend?" His voice was plaintive, and Owen was surprised at how much the answer meant to him.

"Yep." Ianto said, "we can't stand each other, we get on each others nerves, we can't agree on the color of the sky, but we are definitely friends. Of course we are. Stop beating yourself about this. I know you would never hurt one of us, I know you're actually a competent doctor, and I know we all get a little battle fatigued every now and then. Comes with the territory. It's okay." Owen nodded.

"Jack is in the cafeteria, with Tosh." he said, by way of changing the subject. "They've both been here all night, too. Gwen would've but someone has to guard the Hub, and the rest of us weren't moving. Jack was so frightened, Ianto. He may not tell you, but he was. He needs you."

"I know," Ianto replied, simply. "I told you, once." Owen smiled at him, and his heart was gladdened when Ianto smiled back.

"Are you okay?" Ianto asked, and Owen shrugged.

"I will be. I'll get over it. I thought you were going to die, and… I don't know. It would have been my fault. Jack would have eaten me alive."

Ianto smiled. "Actually," he said, "it's quite a bit of fun when he does that."

Owen gave him a disgusted look, and said, "Okay, Jones, we aren't that good of friends. You're getting as bad as he is."

"As bad as who?" Jack asked, opening the door.

"You." Owen said, "You wouldn't believe the mouth he… not one word, Harkness, not one."

Jack's eyes glittered, but he stayed silent as he walked into the room, Tosh following behind him. Jack sat on the edge of Ianto's bed, and took his hand.

"Hey, you're awake. It's good to see you."

"You too. You shouldn't have worried. You owe me a date, and I swear I'm getting it before I die." Jack laughed, and Owen could tell they wanted to be alone. He caught Tosh's eye, and gave a look of mock disgust.

"Well, we're gonna head out, give you two lovebirds some privacy." Ianto gave him an irritated look, and Jack just smiled. "Owen?" Jack called after him as he and Tosh were leaving the room. Owen turned back, his face carefully blank. Even after all the reassurance he'd gotten from his friends, a part of him still felt guilty, and he expected recrimination. Jack's smile hadn't dimmed and he looked far more happy than angry. "It's already seven in the morning, and we all had an eventful night. Why don't you and Tosh take the morning off? I'll relieve Gwen in a little bit, and I'll call you if anything big happens."

"Don't be a ponce. Something _will_ happen, it always does. I might as well sleep on the sofa at the hub until the rift alarm goes off. Besides, me there gives you a chance to flirt with the tea-boy, and we all know how irritable you get if you can't do that." Jack seemed to take Owen's sarcasm as a good thing, and he agreed to let Owen stay at the hub, on the condition that he slept.

When Owen walked out of the room, he found Tosh waiting for him in the hall. "Noble of you," she said, "but, you don't have to do this to make anything up to them. You did nothing wrong, Owen. Ianto lived because of you. You deserve a good lie in." Owen put his arm around her shoulders and they walked together to the exit.

"Well, Tosh, I reckon you're right, but it seems like the right thing to do, and I feel like doing the right thing today. Don't worry, by tomorrow I'll be back to the same selfish, arrogant arse you know and love." Tosh giggled and Owen gave her a warm smile.

"I'd offer you a lift, but Gwen took my car. Which reminds me, the SUV is still parked out on a side street. Someone needs to pick it up. Would you mind coming back to the Hub, just for a few minutes, so Gwen and I can get it?"

"Of course. What about the weevils? Are they in the back?"

Owen shook his head. "We thankfully failed to catch one. Last night was an utter cock up, Tosh. I suppose something needs to be done about that as well."

Tosh frowned and nodded agreement. "Well, I guess we should go get Jack. It's a shame, really. I was looking forward to an hours sleep."

"Yeah, well that's Torchwood for you. Once we get this done, I figure that'll be enough for today."

"Until the rift drops a ten foot insect on top of us," Tosh said, rolling her eyes, "or one of Jack's exes comes back to kill him."

"Yeah, and Gwen will get kidnapped, you'll track her down, I'll patch her up, Jack will defeat the bad guy, and Ianto will clean everything up."

"From his hospital bed, complaining the whole while about how we're destroying the Hub in his absence."

Owen laughed; enjoying the feeling of lightness he'd had since Ianto's awakening. "Yeah," he said, "that sounds just about right. You know, Tosh, I rather love this job." "So do I. Well, lets get started. Torchwood's calling."


End file.
